When College Doesn’t Go as Planned: How to Help Your Student Recover and Thrive
Table of Contents
When College Doesn’t Go as Planned: This Is More Common Than Parents Realize
Can a College Student Recover After Academic or Personal Struggles? Yes.
How to Understand What a College Struggle Is Really Telling You About Your Student
When College Struggles Reflect a Mismatch in Environment, Structure, or Fit
When to Consider College Success Coaching or Outside Support
Frequently Asked Questions About College Recovery and Student Struggles
When College Doesn’t Go as Planned: This Is More Common Than Parents Realize
When a college student begins to struggle, many parents feel a mix of fear, confusion, and disbelief. For some families, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Their student did well in high school — capable, motivated, and excited about college — so when things start to unravel academically, emotionally, or both, it can feel shocking and deeply unsettling.
For other families, the struggle may feel less surprising, but no less distressing. They may have had concerns about their student’s readiness for college, mental health, or ability to manage independence, hoping that things would stabilize once college began.
In both cases, parents are left trying to make sense of what’s happening and what it means for their student’s future.
What most families don’t realize is how common this experience actually is.
Every year, a significant number of college students face serious challenges: failing classes, academic warnings or probation, burnout, mental health struggles, or a sense that something just isn’t working. These difficulties affect students across all types of institutions and at every level of preparation.
Importantly, struggle does not mean a student isn’t capable, motivated, or “college material.”
The transition to college is far more complex than many families expect. Students are navigating not only harder coursework, but also new levels of independence, unstructured time, social pressures, identity development, and — for many — the first real test of their executive functioning skills. For some students, especially those who are bright and capable, college is also the point at which undiagnosed learning differences or attention challenges become harder to compensate for.
Add sleep deprivation, stress, and untreated anxiety or depression, and even strong students can quickly find themselves overwhelmed.
From a parent’s perspective, it’s understandable to see these moments as disastrous, or as a sign of failure. But as college insiders, what we often see instead is misalignment, overload, or burnout — sometimes building quietly over time before grades or behavior reflect it, and we know from experience that these situations can be rectified. In many cases, students who appear to be “failing” are actually stuck in environments, circumstances, or patterns of behavior that no longer support how they learn, function, or thrive.
This can be true for students across the spectrum. For some high-achieving students, the transition is particularly jarring because they may have pushed themselves hard for years or grown accustomed to succeeding without needing much support — until suddenly they do.
If your student is struggling right now, you are not alone. And just as importantly: this moment does not define who they are or what they’re capable of becoming.
What We See as University Deans: Why Students Struggle
Our team has spent over six decades working as university deans at institutions including Harvard University, Tufts University, and Wellesley College. We have not only served on academic review and standing committees — we run these processes, reviewing student records and partnering with faculty as they determine academic standing outcomes such as academic alerts, academic probation, and required academic withdrawal.
We work directly with students in crisis on a daily and weekly basis and support families through moments of academic disruption, personal upheaval, and uncertainty about what comes next. This vantage point gives us a clear view of how colleges assess student challenges and how recovery decisions are actually made.
College student struggles are not rare — they are part of the landscape of higher education.
Students arrive at college during a period of enormous developmental change. Even those who were confident, successful, and self-directed in high school can find themselves destabilized by the pace, pressure, and independence of college life. Others appear to be doing fine on the surface while quietly unraveling underneath, until grades, behavior, or mental health finally signal that something is wrong.
It’s important for families to understand that colleges and universities are not designed to punish students for struggling. Their mission is educational. When a student runs into difficulty — academic, personal, or behavioral — institutions typically respond with structured supportive processes meant to help students pause, reflect, and recalibrate. Academic warnings, probation, leaves of absence, and even disciplinary processes are intended to foster learning and growth. They are designed to redirect — not to permanently derail a student’s future.
That said, these systems are not always intuitive for families. They come with policies, timelines, and expectations that can feel opaque or overwhelming in moments of stress. When families don’t fully understand how these processes work — or when students try to navigate them alone while already struggling — opportunities for positive growth and recovery can be missed.
What we’ve learned over years of this work is that colleges expect students to stumble. What matters most is not the stumble itself, but how a student responds. With clarity, support, and the right guidance, many students not only recover, but emerge with greater resilience, self-awareness, and direction than they had before.
This emphasis on reflection and intentional decision-making aligns with professional standards articulated in the NACAC Guide to Ethical Practice in College Admission, which underscores the importance of student-centered guidance and transparent decision-making throughout the college journey — not just at the point of admission.
When students need support thinking through what comes next in college, we’re here.
What It Looks Like When a College Student Is Struggling
When college doesn’t go as planned, the signs aren’t always obvious at first. For some students, difficulties surface through grades or formal academic notices. For others, struggle shows up less formally — through shifts in motivation, confidence, or engagement.
Struggle can look different from student to student, but common signs we see include:
Failing or withdrawing from one or more classes, especially in a pattern rather than as a single, isolated incident
Anxiety or depression that interferes with concentration, attendance, or follow-through
Loss of motivation or sense of purpose, including disengagement from classes or activities that once mattered
Lack of communication with family or peers, or “shutting down” emotionally.
Behavioral or disciplinary issues, sometimes reflecting stress, poor judgment, or difficulty coping
Considering or taking a leave of absence, whether for academic, mental health, or personal reasons
A persistent feeling that “this college just isn’t right” or “I don’t want to be in college right now.”
It’s important to note that many of these signs can exist well before grades fully reflect a problem. Students often work hard to maintain a semblance of functioning — for themselves and for others — especially if they’ve been high achievers or feel pressure to appear successful. By the time a family learns what’s going on, the situation may require immediate support.
Seeing one or more of these signs doesn’t automatically mean a situation is dire. But it does mean it’s time to pause, take stock, and begin thinking intentionally about support and next steps.
How Parents Can Help When a College Student Is Struggling
When a student struggles in college, parents often feel an understandable urge to step in quickly and fix the problem. But in our experience, what helps most in the early stages is not urgency — it’s steadiness and perspective. The goal is not simply to resolve the immediate issues, but to help your student understand what’s happening, learn from the experience, and determine how to address the factors interfering with their ability to function, learn, and grow.
Start With Communication, Not Panic
Begin by listening.
Create space for your student to talk openly about what they’re experiencing without immediately offering solutions or judgments. This can be harder than it sounds, especially when you’re worried, but it’s critical. Panic, blame, or rapid-fire problem-solving can shut down communication at the moment your student most needs to feel supported.
Try to frame conversations as a partnership: “Let’s understand this together,” rather than “How did this happen?” Students are far more likely to engage productively when they feel heard and respected, not evaluated.
Remember that many students already feel disappointed in themselves. Your calm presence can help lower the emotional temperature and make it easier for them to reflect honestly on what’s going on.
It can also be helpful to set expectations for communication before a crisis ever arises. Families who talk in advance about how they’ll handle academic or personal challenges — including how and when a student might turn to them — often find it easier to have honest conversations later.
In our work with college students, we often hear that they hesitate to share difficulties because they don’t want to worry their parents. It can be helpful for families to name this directly. Part of parenting a college student is being willing to show up for the hard moments, not just the celebrations. When students understand that their parents want to be there to help them handle challenges — and won’t panic or overreact — they’re more likely to talk openly about what’s going on.
Understand the Academic and Institutional Situation Clearly
Once communication is open, the next step is clarity.
Encourage your student to share the actual communications they’ve received from the college — emails, letters, or portal notifications — rather than relying on summaries or secondhand descriptions. Understanding what the institution has communicated, what expectations are in place, and whether there are specific timelines or conditions involved is essential.
Colleges operate through defined policies and procedures, and those details matter. Taking time to understand them can help families make informed decisions rather than reactive ones.
Use Campus Resources — and Know Their Limits
Every college has support structures designed specifically for moments like this. Academic advisers, deans, tutoring and academic support centers, counseling services, and student support offices exist to help students navigate challenges.
Academic advising, in particular, is widely recognized as a cornerstone of student persistence and success, with research and professional standards advanced by NACADA: The Global Community for Academic Advising, the leading international organization dedicated to academic advising practice and scholarship.
Encourage your student to engage with these resources proactively. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a skill students are expected to develop in college. In fact, as deans, we often encourage students to check in when things are going well — not just for the first time when something has already gone wrong. Students who build those relationships early typically find it much easier to ask for support later, when challenges arise.
At the same time, it’s important to recognize that campus resources have limits. While advisers and student support offices play a critical role in student recovery, some students need more support than these offices are able to provide.
In those cases, families often benefit from additional, student-centered support outside the institution — someone whose sole focus is helping the student stabilize, reflect, and move forward thoughtfully.
Can a College Student Recover After Academic or Personal Struggles? Yes.
One of the most important things families need to hear at this moment is that recovery is not only possible — it’s common.
Over years of working with college students, we’ve seen countless students regain their footing academically and emotionally after a difficult semester or year. Some recover quickly once they receive the right support. Others take more time, using a pause or adjustment period to rebuild skills, confidence, or health before moving forward.
For some students, recovery involves changing how they approach their current environment — learning better strategies for managing workload, seeking academic or mental health support, or realigning expectations. For others, the experience opens the door to new academic interests or directions they hadn’t previously considered and which may be a better fit. And in some cases, stepping away temporarily or exploring a different educational environment becomes the healthiest path forward.
What’s important to understand is that a stumble in college does not erase a student’s strengths or potential. In fact, moments of difficulty often become turning points — opportunities for students to develop self-awareness, resilience, and agency that serve them well long after college.
What matters most isn’t what went wrong — it’s how thoughtfully the next steps are taken.
With the right guidance and support, many students emerge from these challenges more grounded, more confident, and better equipped to thrive than they were before.
How to Understand What a College Struggle Is Really Telling You About Your Student
Once families move past the initial fear and begin to see recovery as possible, the next — and often harder — step is interpretation. A college struggle is not just a problem to be solved; it’s information. The question becomes: what is this experience telling us about what our student needs right now?
From our perspective, the easiest mistake families can make is jumping too quickly to a single explanation. Struggles rarely have one cause. Academic difficulty may be intertwined with mental health, burnout, executive functioning challenges, social isolation, or a loss of meaning or motivation. Sometimes what looks sudden from the outside reflects challenges that have been building quietly over time.
Reporting and research summarized by The Chronicle of Higher Education, a leading publication covering higher education policy and practice, consistently highlight how academic struggles often reflect layered, interacting factors — and how institutions that encourage early advising, reflection, and structured support see stronger student recovery and retention outcomes.
This is where slowing down matters. This is also where a team approach can be useful, such as having your student talk not only to you but to a mental health counselor or adviser, to gain a fuller picture.
Rather than asking, “How do we fix this?” it’s often more productive to step back and ask a different set of questions — ones that focus on understanding rather than immediate solutions:
What has changed for our student — academically, emotionally, or in their day-to-day functioning?
What seems hardest for our student right now — academically, emotionally, or structurally?
What supports are missing or insufficient?
What conditions would allow them to function and learn more effectively?
Interpreting a struggle well requires curiosity and humility. When families approach this moment as a diagnostic process rather than a verdict, students are more likely to engage honestly and take ownership of their next steps. Often, this kind of perspective is easier to achieve with the help of an experienced adviser — whether campus-based or external — who can bring distance, context, and clarity to a complex situation.
This kind of interpretation sets the foundation for thoughtful decision-making — including whether the challenge is primarily situational, developmental, or rooted in a deeper mismatch between the student and their current environment.
When College Struggles Reflect a Mismatch in Environment, Structure, or Fit
In some cases, a student’s struggles are not about ability or effort at all — they reflect a mismatch between the student and the environment they’re in.
Colleges vary widely in pace, structure, teaching style, support systems, and cultural expectations. A student who thrives in one setting may struggle significantly in another, even if the institution looked “good on paper” or once felt like a strong match. In other cases, the challenge is less about the environment itself and more about a student not yet having the structure, support, or community needed to settle in and succeed.
Fit is not just about practical factors — it’s about how a student actually experiences an environment day to day. Changes in a student’s needs, identity, or mental health can also shift what kind of environment works best over time.
A mismatch might show up as:
Difficulty managing unstructured or highly independent learning environments
Limited access to academic or personal support when challenges arise
A campus culture that doesn’t align with how a student learns, connects, or recharges
Importantly, recognizing a mismatch is not an indictment of the student — or the college. Often, it’s only once a student is living the realities of college — academic demands, independence, social complexity, and reduced structure — that it becomes clear what kind of environment and support they actually need to succeed.
For some students, adjusting expectations or supports within the same institution is enough. In our work as deans — including Jennifer’s experience at Wellesley College — we routinely help students who are unhappy or disengaged find renewed traction by expanding their academic or social world without leaving their college. For instance, many students benefited from cross-registration or involvement in communities at Massachusetts Institute of Technology or Olin College of Engineering. Access to different classes, student groups and clubs, or learning opportunities helped some students stay and thrive at the College.
For others, a change in environment — whether through a different academic program, a leave of absence, or even a transfer to another institution — allows them to re-engage with learning in a healthier, more sustainable way. Understanding when struggle reflects a need for recalibration within an institution, and when it signals the need for a broader change, helps families move forward thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Questions about environment, support, and alignment echo the same principles families grapple with earlier in the college search, just under very different circumstances.
For families beginning to wonder whether a change of environment may be part of the solution, we’ve written more about how to evaluate that decision thoughtfully — including when transfer makes sense and when it doesn’t — in How to Transfer Colleges: A Step-by-Step Guide from a College Admissions Insider.
When to Consider College Success Coaching or Outside Support
For many students, campus-based resources are enough to help them stabilize and move forward. Academic advisers, deans, counseling services, and student support centers play an important role in student recovery and should be part of the conversation whenever a student is struggling.
For some students, however, additional support outside the institution can provide clarity, continuity, and a steadier hand through uncertainty. This is especially true when a student needs more sustained, individualized guidance than campus-based resources are structured to provide.
College success coaching is designed to complement, not replace, campus resources. Unlike institutional advisers, an external coach is not constrained by university procedures, caseloads, or competing institutional priorities. Their sole focus is the student — helping them make sense of what’s happening, identify realistic options, and take thoughtful next steps through high-touch support over the length of time that is required.
At Lantern, our college success coaching and academic crisis management work supports students across a wide range of situations, including:
Recovery from academic difficulty or failing grades
Clarifying academic direction, including exploring a new major or academic program
Burnout, anxiety, or loss of motivation that interferes with learning
Developing executive functioning skills, study strategies, or learning systems that work at the college level
Planning for and returning from a leave of absence
Navigating academic probation, academic standing reviews, or disciplinary processes
Thoughtful decision-making around whether to remain, reset, or transfer
Rebuilding confidence, skills, and momentum after a difficult period
Because we bring decades of experience as university deans, we understand how institutions work, and how to help students engage with them productively while keeping their long-term well-being and success at the center.
If your family is facing formal academic or disciplinary action, you may also find it helpful to read What to Do When Your Child Is Placed on Academic Probation or Facing Disciplinary Action, which offers more detailed guidance for navigating those situations.
There is a way forward — and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Helping Your Student Move Forward With Confidence
With the right support, many students recover and go on to thrive. Even moments that feel overwhelming at the time rarely define a student’s future. They learn how to ask for help, how to understand their own limits and needs, and how to make more intentional choices about their education. In many cases, the skills and self-awareness students gain through adversity become assets they carry long after college.
For example, Karen and Jennifer have both had experience as deans with students who were suspended or withdrawn due to poor academic progress, academic integrity violations, or other disciplinary reasons, and later successfully applied to law school, medical school, or graduate school, with compelling personal statements about what they learned from the experience.
Perhaps most importantly, your family does not have to navigate this alone. Understanding institutional processes, interpreting what a struggle means, and choosing next steps can be overwhelming — especially when emotions are high. Having experienced, steady guidance can make this process feel far more manageable.
If you’re looking for personalized support, we invite you to learn more about Lantern’s College Success Coaching — a holistic approach designed to help students recover, recalibrate, and move forward with confidence.
Frequently Asked Questions About College Recovery and Student Struggles
Is it common for college students to struggle?
Yes. Far more common than most families realize. Every year, a significant number of college students experience academic difficulty, burnout, mental health challenges, or a loss of direction. These struggles affect students at all types of institutions — including highly selective colleges — and often emerge during periods of rapid developmental change. Experiencing difficulty does not mean a student isn’t capable or college-ready.
What does academic probation really mean?
Academic probation is a signal that a student has not met the institution’s academic expectations for a given term and needs support and adjustment. It is not a verdict on their ability or future. Colleges use probation and other academic standing measures to prompt reflection, connect students with resources, and encourage changes that support learning and well-being. Many students recover from probation, regain academic standing, and go on to successfully complete their academic studies.
Should my student take a leave of absence?
A leave of absence can be a healthy and productive option for some students, particularly when mental health, medical issues, burnout, or personal circumstances are interfering with academic success. The decision should be made thoughtfully, with a clear plan for how time away will be used and how a return to college will be supported. Because leaves are governed by institutional policies and expectations, it’s important to consult with college administrators before finalizing a decision. Some families also work with an external college success coach to help structure the leave, support recovery, and plan for a strong return. A leave is not a failure — it’s often a strategic pause.
Is transferring colleges a sign that the first college was a mistake?
Not necessarily. Many students don’t fully understand what kind of environment they need until they are actually living in college. A school that seemed like a strong match at 17 may not support a student well once they are there. Transferring can be a positive step when a student’s learning style, support needs, or goals no longer align with their current environment. What matters most is making the decision intentionally, not reactively.
How long does it take for a student to recover after a difficult period?
Recovery timelines vary. Some students stabilize within a semester once they receive the right support. Others need more time to rebuild confidence, skills, or health. The path forward isn’t always straight, but with thoughtful guidance and appropriate resources, many students regain momentum and clarity about their path forward.
What should parents do — and not do — during this process?
Parents play a crucial role by staying calm, listening without judgment, and approaching the situation as a partnership that keeps the student at the center of decision-making. Panic, blame, or pressure to make immediate decisions tends to undermine that process. Supporting reflection, clarity, and steady next steps helps students develop ownership of both the challenge and the path forward.
When should families consider college success coaching or outside support?
For some students, additional support outside the institution can be helpful. College success coaching is designed to complement, not replace, campus resources. Unlike institutional advisers, an external coach is not constrained by university procedures, caseloads, or competing institutional priorities. Their sole focus is the student — helping them make sense of what’s happening, identify realistic options, and take thoughtful next steps through sustained, individualized support over time.
Can students really thrive after a rough start in college?
Yes. Many students who struggle early in college go on to do exceptionally well. Over decades of working with college students, we’ve seen this again and again. Difficult periods often become turning points that foster self-awareness, resilience, and stronger decision-making. With the right support, students don’t just recover — they often emerge more grounded and confident than before.